Each year, a few key players will decide the fates of your sales force and your fantasy football team. This is your scouting report.
Welcome back to The 2015 Fantasy Football Lover's Guide to Your Salesforce. We're profiling 30 types of people you'll find on both the average sales force and the average Fantasy Football team. We're about to go Mel Kiper, Jr on your sales team.
Part I. Team Leaders
The following six archetypes can be found leading sales teams and Fantasy Football squads year after year.
These are your Generals. Your de facto "Team Captains." As they go, so goes your team.
1. The Apex Predator
Got the best-of-the-best leading your Sales Force? Congratulations, you're running sales offensives with an Apex Predator.
The rarest breed of leaders, Apex Predators deliver it all. Quota-crushing performance. Unparalleled leadership. Respect that permeates every level of your organization.
He or she is the most elite level of your company's personnel, a treasured asset envied by every one of your competitors.
2015 NFL Doppelganger: Aaron Rodgers
I traded Aaron Rodgers once, mid-season, back in 2011. My league-leading squad quickly fell to pieces faster than Meek Mill's career this summer and as further punishment, I got to watch A-Rodge and co. beat my Pittsburgh Steelers in a gut-wrenching Super Bowl.
I watched that game from a rowdy, jam-packed bar on Pittsburgh's famous Southside. At its conclusion, the entire bar exited in silence and I discovered that my friend had vomited all over my coat. I blame Rodgers for that, too.
You don't mess with an Apex Predator.
Signs You May Be The Apex Predator:
- No one messes with you.
- You have a signature celebration that everyone -- even your sworn enemies -- began to mimic.
- You one-up previous year's Apex Predators by releasing better commercials.
- Your potential to switch teams/companies triggers bidding wars that quickly escalate out of control, and no one begrudges those involved.
- You've dated both Erin Andrews and Olivia Munn or the male-equivalents of both Erin Andrews and Olivia Munn.
2. The Polarizing Leader
A truly special Polarizing Leader wields one of two special powers:
- A flair for being dramatic.
- A personality that evokes strong feelings from everyone he or she contacts.
The great thing about Polarizing Leaders is that, well, they're entertaining as hell.
And they can drive successful sales organizations, which is why roughly 38 Steve Jobs biopics are currently in various stages of production.
NFL Doppelganger: Jay Cutler
Make no mistake boys and girls, Jay Cutler is no Steve Jobs. The Apple Co-Founder falls into the first category of polarizing leader, while Cutler falls into the second.
What they do have in common: They're both famous assholes who could care less what anyone what thought about them.
Every remotely-controversial move Cutler makes gets magnified times 1000, becomes the subject of a meme, and makes me love him more. He almost led me to my first-ever Fantasy title last year -- until, in a classic Cutler move, he got benched by the Bears on the final week of the season.
Signs You May Be The Polarizing Leader:
- Your team members have gone on the record both effusively defending and attacking your character.
- You're getting ready to close out a stellar year, and your boss fires you.
- Everyone around you is just there to annoy you.
3. The Institution
Sales is the ultimate "What have you done for me lately?" profession, so this archetype is rare.
That being said, there are some elite sales professionals out there who have earned the title of company "Institution."
These are the gilded veterans of your Sales Force. Entering the twilight of their careers, they haven't lost a step.
And they've had such an impact on your organization, over such a long period of time, that their very name is synonymous with your organization's rise to success.
NFL Doppelganger: Marshawn Lynch
Look at that face. That is the look of an Institution if I've ever seen one. Lynch is completely in his zone, munching on his Skittles, thinking about the half-dozen Broncos defenders he's going to stampede the next time he's handed the ball.
That's the thing about Institutions -- nothing fazes them.
Signs You May Be The Institution:
- A tendency to be described as "savvy," "grizzled," or "gritty."
- Disdainful treatment of competitors and people who ask dumb questions.
- You are, in fact, "bout that action."
4. The Workhorse
Your team needs someone prone to massive periods of production and occasional flashes of brilliance -- the Workhorse was born to make that happen.
The Workhorse steamrolls through tasks and speedbumps prospect objections.
During organizational dry spells, he or she can be counted on to put the sales team on their back and close several crucial deals with high-value customers.
NFL Doppelganger: DeMarco Murray
DeMarco Murray epitomized the term, "Workhorse" during the 2014 season, rushing for nearly 2000 yards while averaging nearly 5 yards per carry.
The great thing about a Workhorse is their tenacity and consistency. The antithesis to Tony Romo in those regards, Murray eclipsed 100 yards in 12 games last year.
Bottom line: Everyone loves a Workhorse.
Signs You May Be The Workhorse:
- Everyone at your company loves, respects and appreciates your contributions to the team.
- Last year, everyone compared you favorably to your two incredibly skilled, yet embattled counterparts in Marketing and Customer Success. (Tony Romo and Dez Bryant)
- You excelled last year despite maintaining a heavy workload and operating in a franchise neck-deep in dysfunction.
5. The Stat Machine
The Stat Machine is the one with gaudy numbers, but little else. They're a leader, in a sense, but not quite at a Championship level.
NFL Doppelganger: Tony Romo
Boneheaded, inexplicable lapses in judgment. A tendency to go catatonic in the biggest moments. A borderline bipolar relationship with those who root for your team to succeed.
Yep, it's Tony Romo!
Look at this performance over the last 2 years: 1) 65 touchdowns to only 19 interceptions, 2) consecutive top 3 Fantasy rankings at the QB position, and 3) an even deeper lack of trust from everyone who relies on him.
Signs You May Be The Stat Machine:
- You post a record-breaking month but close it out with several costly decisions that set your team back to square one.
- You've set the world on fire over the last 2 years and yet your sales organization feels like it's treading water.
- Your organization is run by a senile tycoon who thrives on hanging you out to dry.
6. The Cocky S.O.B.
This person is not inherently likeable -- not out to win any popularity contests. And by God, you will know that.
The Cocky S.O.B., in a sense, can be a huge asset. Hell, the Miami Hurricanes transformed a moribund college football program into a storied, multi-decade dynasty by choosing to recruit and cultivate Cocky S.O.B.'s.
Ask any sales force leader, and they'll take a team of Cocky S.O.B.'s over a team of demure, sensitive and polite sales reps any day of the week.
NFL Doppelganger: Phil Rivers
Who hasn't Phil Rivers yelled at over the course of his semi-illustrious career? Linemen, Referees, Norv Turner, even his own helmet have been on the receiving ends of this well-adjusted young man's tirades.
And yet, everyone talks about Jay Cutler the way they should be talking about Rivers. Why the difference? Cutler comes across as aloof, which is inexcusable in the minds of the mainstream sports media, whereas Rivers is just "fiery" and "passionate."
And they're right, he is a fiery, passionate, cocky S.O.B.
Signs You May Be The Cocky S.O.B.:
- You believe that you lead by example - and that you're entitled to yell at whoever you damn well please.
- You're surrounded by idiots who are holding you and team back from achieving greatness - you've told them as such.
- Your performance could speak for itself, but where's the fun in that?
Creating Your Fantasy Sales Team
That concludes Part 2 of our 2015 Fantasy Football Lover's Guide to Your Salesforce. If you're sick of the same old sales contest, check out Ambition. Our platform lets teams take a "Fantasy Football" approach to workforce contests, and has been featured in the likes of the Harvard Business Review, Business Insider and the Sporting News.
Scope out our Product Overview for more information. And thanks for reading.
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