Having a rough
day week month 2020?
Yeah, it’s been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. While it may be tempting to hide under the covers until the ball drops on this hellavu year, we’ve got a better idea: sales humor!
We realize it’s not the antidote to a global pandemic and ensuing recession, but we’re hoping one of these will put a smile on your face. Or at least a smirk.
So here are 13 salesmen jokes (and a few memes, too) that will get you through your next Zoom call.
13 Salesman Jokes and Puns
1. This...isn’t how we run contests.
Sales manager addressing an under performing sales force at the start of a new month:
"We are going to have a sales contest this month. The winners will get to enter next month's contest."
(BTW: If you want to see how it's really done, download our free sales contest templates!)
2. A ready-made response the next time a buyer puts you off.
3. Can someone show us how to do this with AirPods?
4. We’re laughing because it’s true.
“A software manager, a hardware manager, and a marketing manager are driving to a meeting when a tire blows. They get out of the car and look at the problem. The software manager says, “”I can’t do anything about this – it’s a hardware problem.”” The hardware manager says, “”Maybe if we turned the car off and on again, it would fix itself.”” The marketing manager says, “”Hey, 75% of it is working – let’s ship it!
5. Back when in-person sales was a thing.
Boss: Did you get any orders today?
Salesman: Yes, I got two!
Boss: Congratulations! What were they?
Salesman: “Get out!” and “Stay out!”
6. Nothing a little Botox won’t fix.
7. Up and to the...right?
8. Say what you will about Zoom happy hours — we’re basically getting paid to drink wine over here.
9. We’ve decided any Office-related meme counts as a sales joke.
10. Well played.
I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of weeks ago. While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.
I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.
Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates, I wonder if you would do me a favor."
"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar, "and I'm waiting on a very important client. Would you be so kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi Ray'?"
I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.
About ten minutes later my client showed up. We ordered a drink and started to talk business.
A couple of minutes later I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Bill Gates.
"Hi Ray," he said.
I replied, "Screw off Gates, I'm in a meeting."
11. Do we smell another prequel?
How did Yoda get his first lead? He used the Sales Force.
12. Let me put you in touch with our engineering team.
A door-to-door salesman was pitching his wares to a homeowner who didn’t seem interested in anything.
“How about this?” said the salesman. “It’s brand new on the market.”
“What is it?” asked the homeowner.
The salesman answered, “It’s called a thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
“That’s amazing!” exclaimed the homeowner. “How does it know?”
13. Just...smile and nod.
Salesman: This computer will cut your workload by 50%.
Office Manager: That’s great, I’ll take two of them.
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